I happened to re-watch Star Trek V the other day(1) and was reminded of just how bad it is. Surely one of the all time bad movies (of which there are more than a few, unfortunately).
It is amazing that Star Trek as a franchise survived. That Next Generation, DS9, Voyager, Enterprise, Discovery, Pickard and the many movies since (quite a few of which were fairly good — for Hollywood Sci-Fi, that is) really should never have come about in the wake of Star Trek V.
What a dog.
Of course, it’s not like Star Trek would pass even a 6th grade understanding of Science(2). It’s science fantasy, not science fiction. It would help if the writers would embrace that, but they keep writing as if it’s hard science, when it’s very squishy pseudo-science, no better science than “lose 20 pounds over night” or “rub this on your head to regrow your hair” or “rediscovered ancient text reveals cure for diabetes” Pfui(3).
Nothing wrong with Science Fantasy. Science Fantasy can be truly great — if you have a great story and if you follow the rules of fantasy! (Read J.R.R. Tolkien’s writings about how to write fantasy. The guy was beyond Genius in his craft.) Writing Science Fantasy as if it’s Science Fiction is simply a guaranteed formula for crafting a mediocre movie.
The true violation (in ST5), however, is not the science, but the Story. That story is … indescribably bad. If you don’t have a Story, don’t make a movie. Seems pretty basic, yes? Star Trek V practically screams “Yo, Trekkie’s! We think you’re stupid and we just want your Money.”
Fortunately the Fans responded appropriately.
It also cinched the “odd number rule” for the Star Trek franchise. Movies 1, 3 and 5 were all Dogs, so the expectation was that 7 would also be a Dog. Hollywood responded to that by dropping the numbers. Like Microsoft skipping “Windows 9” (because Windows 8 was such a Dog, and they wanted some space between), or Intel sticking with Pentium for 30 years, because no one on that board of high-level executives could count in either Latin or Greek, the sillies(4).
As silly as Star Trek VI: where an Excelsior-class star ship is “tacking into a wave front” like it’s a sailing ship trying to ride out a tsunami. Or as if an explosion of a small planetoid could possibly even be noticed light years away in anything less than years (light speed, dig?), let alone send out such a shock wave at any time. Or (the crucial story element) like the loss of a single mining colony could threaten an entire multi-planet / multi-stellar empire; Klingons were going to be extinct in a few months because they lost a mining colony? Really??? And ST6 was a success, fer Pete’s Sake… Go figure(5).
Star Trek is one of the few Exporters of Hope in the World. There’s a responsibility that goes along with that. Let me admit, though, that for the most part they do live up to that calling. The latest series and the reboot movies were all much tighter than the Old Generation’s V and VI were, as well as embodying much more important and realistic stories. (Though the last of the reboot movies was pretty disappointing; just an excuse for a 3D experience, with little story that made any sense at all, at all…)
Do you really wonder why Earth Descended Humans have not been offered admission to the Galaxy yet? Would you let these creatures lose in your Galaxy if you didn’t have to?
My upset with ST5 and all the holes in All Movies every where, of any genre, is that Hollywood (and its sisters around the world), are the producers and conservators of Story. Since most people do not read, that leaves movies and television as the primary media through which most humans in this bizarre 21st Century will ever experience story(6). That means these tellers of Story have a profound responsibility to their viewers — indeed to all of Humanity — yet those folks, who have chosen such careers and such positions, behave as if it’s all very trivial. How sad.
That which produces common experiences shared by Great Numbers of people, Trivial? Are you sure about that?
When combined with the failing education system (in most of the “Western World” right now, not just America(7)) that leaves movies and television as the primary source of Knowledge, Culture and the Common Mythologies and Understandings that “knit our world together.”
Is that a terrifying statement?
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Post Script: this is not to take anything away from those Stories that are Very Well Told Indeed. Such programs as Criminal Minds (most of it, not all of it), Numbers, the new West World, BBC’s Sherlock, West Wing, Pickard to name a few are wonderful, lovingly crafted and do indeed fulfill the larger purpose of Mass Media. I’m just saying that every poor, sloppy production — and they out number the good ones at least 8 to 1 — takes something away from all of us, something that might have been and wasn’t.
Story Tellers have a responsibility, and not to their investors. When you focus on “satisfying the investors” you’ve already lost. Make the product good, then make it better, and better again. If necessary, throw it all out and start over in order to make it even better yet. Make it the best thing you can possibly envision and a little more; that will take care of your customers and your investors. It will also constantly raise the bar on quality in Story.
So there…
Oh… Post Post Script: open note to the writers and producers of Star Trek. Stop blowing up the ship! It’s gotten very, very old. Grrr…
Yeah, yeah. We get it. Once again a 600 trillion dollar Star Ship is defeated by an under-budget writing staff. Oh well…
The old debate. Who would win? The Enterprise or a Star Destroyer? Well… the answer depends on the writers, doesn’t it? But let’s just beam a photon torpedo over to the bridge of the Star Destroyer and then warp the heck out of here. Enterprise wins.
(1) Ok… I was forced into it. No sentient mind could actually choose to re-watch that movie.
(2) That is, since the original series went out of production. It had far higher “science” standards than any part of the Star Trek world since. TNG did fairly well on science, by leaving the science where it belonged: in the background. The principal flaw with nearly all Hollywood Sci-Fi is to focus on the gadgets instead of the story. The “science” (whether fiction or fantasy) is background and setting and nothing more. Also, that’s “6th grade science” as it was taught at the time of the original series, the late 1960’s. What was sixth grade science then is probably 2nd year college now. Educational standards have slipped quite a lot. Perhaps there’s a relationship here with the diminishing quality of Story? Nah…
(3) It’s a known phenomenon that when a people start actively seeking out “magical answers” to their problems rather than digging in to find a True Answer, that particular culture / civilization is nearing the end of its life span. Of course, what qualifies as “magic” is subject to interpretation; I mean when even by the rules of that culture folks are turning to short-cut, simplistic, impossible solutions. Cultures die from ignorance or indifference as often as from war, pestilence or plague. Remember that under the Ghost of Christmas Present’s robe were hidden two children: Famine and Ignorance. Just sayin’…
(4) That’s a whole ‘nother story in itself, Intel and the Pentium. Simple, really: penta is Greek for 5, and it was their fifth major processor. Cool, right? No body thought to ask what the next one would be under that scheme. When they found out, years later, they even tried to sue the person who came up with the simple and elegant Pentium. Normal modern business practice: blame some one else when ever you can. Disgusting. And very silly. And, if you think about it too long, highly disturbing when you realize that these are the Crème-de-la-Crème of business types. What makes it really amazing is that Sextium would not have been the next processor, as they thought. In Greek, six is “exi” (éxi) so the next processor might have been Extium, no ‘s’. Then maybe the Heptium (I can almost see the advertising campaign there! So much potential. “Hepti-Hepti Intel!”) Again, and again, and again… one gets the feeling the wrong people are in charge.
(5) Ok… Star Trek VI was a considerably better movie than V: better directed, taken more seriously, with some really good story elements. It also carried a very important theme; that sometimes folks just can’t let go of old hates and this is sometimes why Wars and such continue past their time. Still, it suffered from obvious budget problems and the script was so full of holes that it would never have been published in the Legitimate Science Fiction industry. Hollywood writers are slackers, it seems — or is it that the truly worthy scripts are constantly thrown away by producers? The tale of how George Lucas finally got funding for the original Star Wars movie is a prime example. It almost didn’t happen because producer after producer “didn’t understand the script.” A simple but elegant story, with a well-written script. What’s not to understand? Forget the blasters and the space ships, and just look at what the People are doing, why they are doing it. That’s all. It’s also an anti-totalitarian government story, by the way, and those have always been reasonably successful. Again, what’s not to understand?
(6) Computer Games also tell Story — a little at least — but they suffer the same flaws as most movies. Fake News is also an exercise in story telling, but with an agenda beyond entertainment, though it’s usually as poorly crafted as ST5 was, if that’s not insulting ST5. Computer Games are mostly played through habit (ie, something to do) or for the adrenalin addiction. Fake News (that is, “the news,” even if only slightly slanted) depends on the same adrenalin addiction and lack of ways to occupy your time. Meaning neither of these should be considered Story Telling. On the other hand, computer games are an excellent example of constantly raising the bar of standard and expectation and getting formidable results in consequence.
(7) America sits at/near the bottom of the list of a great many rankings by level of education. For example, see this Wikipedia article. To be fair, there are other lists that put America some what higher, though not much. How comfortable are you with the largest stock pile of nuclear weapons and the largest per capita supply of hand guns belonging to the most ignorant of all the industrialized nations? Scares the Willies out of me…